This year has been extremely tough for me in so many ways. I lost my father after a very long battle with addiction, I went through a very dark valley full of doubts and questioned not only my salvation, but Christianity as a whole due to certain situations. I’ve lost friends and had to make tough decisions. I made the decision to leave my church home and began attending a new one after a couple of years full of prayer and consideration. I’ve followed God’s prompting in many ways, and I’ve also left Him in many ways as well. I’ve been broken, and I’ve been mended by God. I’ve been full of anxiety, and I’ve been full of peace from Christ. It’s been a hard year. I’ve found out a lot about myself and what I want from life, and I’ve also grown even more confused in a lot of different ways. But I’ve also gotten more grounded. I’ve planted myself in a firmer place, and I’ve learned what it means to have unwavering faith. I can honestly say that through this year, through everything…I have never fully lost my faith in Jesus Christ. My faith in the Person of Christ has never wavered. When everything else has, when so many people were telling me to doubt Him and question Him, I could never bring myself to doubt Him. The thoughts of abandoning Him or questioning His grace, love or sovereignty made me sick to my stomach because it felt like I was abandoning the only Father that I’ve ever had to myself. The only Man who has ever loved me endlessly, the only Man who has never let me down, who has never given me a reason to question. The Son of God, who has made me feel loved even when I felt unloved by the world.
I was saved on December 21st in the year of 2004. I was offered salvation and I took it with eagerness, and I gave my life to Jesus Christ in a bedroom in our old house with my older sister by my side. Through the years, as I’ve written posts about before, I have questioned my salvation. I have questioned myself but I have never questioned my Savior. I’ve wondered how it could be…how I could be saved and loved by a perfect Savior when I am so broken and so sinful. But He hasn’t ever abandoned me, even in the darkest days of my life, He’s been there to rescue me. Most people have laughed at me when I’ve said that those days of doubt have been the worst of my life, but it’s true. I’ve been through a lot, more than most people my age have been through in short years. I’ve seen death. I’ve seen addiction. I’ve seen my loved ones in hospital rooms close to death. I’ve seen anxiety, depression and other disorders take lives. I’ve talked with friends as they’ve been an inch away from suicide.
I’ve seen a lot.
My life is incredibly blessed, and I am incredibly blessed. But I know what bad days look like, and I know what valleys look like. I’ve been in a few myself, and I’ve watched as people endure their own. There is nothing worse than doubting your salvation. There is nothing darker than having no assurance in your salvation. I’ve been there. And I’ve learned what it means to have an unwavering faith. The assurance that I have in my salvation is something that I vow to never take for granted, and I know that every ounce of assurance I have is from Jesus. So I vow to never abandon Him.
“I have given Him my faith, and sworn my allegiance to Him; how, then, can I go back from this, and not be hanged as a traitor?”
― John Bunyan,
I want this post to be a warning and an encouragement all in one. We receive our salvation from one person. There is one way to salvation. One path. The only way that you will ever be saved from an eternity in Hell is through Jesus Christ, the Son of God. The same Jesus that was born of a virgin thousands of years ago. The same Jesus who lived a sinless, perfect life yet was persecuted, mocked and killed. The same Jesus who was crucified on Calvary, who was dead in the tomb and then rose again to beat death and conquer Satan. The same Jesus who will come again any day now, any hour now, any minute now, as the King of Kings and Lord of Lords and reign forever. I receive my salvation from the greatest Man who has ever lived on this earth, and He has never given me a reason to doubt Him. There will be people in this world who will demand that you forsake Him. There will be people who recommend that you “curse His name and die” just as Job was told in scripture. There will be people who attempt to make your faith waver and disappear for all sorts of reasons…but He has never done anyone anything but good. When you are saved, you have sworn your allegiance to Him. Leaving Him, as John Bunyan once said, is a traitorous act. He has saved us from our own sins and destruction, and this should be both an encouragement to continue following Him because He will never fail us, and a warning to never leave Him because we owe Him everything.
When Polycarp was about to die, the people surrounded him and told him to desert Christ…he looked at them and scoffed, saying that he has served Him for 86 years and He has never wronged him; why would Polycarp desert Him? Christians, He has done everything for us. Whether you have a boring testimony like I do, saved as a young child without fireworks or heavy emotions, or if you were saved a year ago or 50 years ago…He’s saved us from the same exact fate. An eternity in Hell, a lifetime of sorrow and doubt here on earth. He has continued to be our Friend and our Savior. Our King and our Intercessor.
“History tells of Polycarp a martyr for the gospel’s
They built a fire around him and they tied him to a
But the fire could not consume him,
So they pierced him with a sword.
The fire went out, the blood ran down,
But still he praised the Lord.
All my years I’ve served Him, He ain’t done me nothing
Well, I won’t repent and I won’t recant,
Just tell me why I should.
He ain’t never done me nothing
Done me nothing but good,
Nothing but good.”
It is entirely possible to have an unwavering faith in Jesus Christ if you are willing to take Him at His word and allow Him to move mightily in your life, and follow Him. The only thing that has helped me keep my faith during the toughest days of my life has been to remember Him and what He has done. To remember that He has never done me wrong, nor has He left me alone. So I plant my feet stubbornly wherever Jesus stands and I refuse to move them no matter who challenges me or how the world tries to push me down.