I’ll Go.

I normally like to plan out my posts in advance, have a few Bible verses and quotes handy, perhaps notes from a sermon or my studies, and have a general idea on how I want the post to go. But last night during my personal study, the words in Amy Carmichael’s book “God’s Missionary” (which we talked about in my last post.) hit me hard, and the verses I read after reading that chapter hit me even harder. I am a very backward person – I’m not outgoing at all unless something really irks me and I feel the need to stand up. After some conversation, I typically do better, and I am able to hold a conversation well enough, but talking to people really isn’t my strong suit. As blunt as I am online, I struggle with it in real life. With my family, I can be blunt. And if I am spurred into a debate, I can and will debate. But actually starting something? I’m terrible. I find myself sitting alone often, wishing I was talking to someone, but I don’t get up and do something about it. I often think back on a meeting with someone and wish I could go back, because I felt like God was convicting me to ask them about their spiritual life, but I slack. I don’t like putting myself in awkward situations, so I tend to avoid social activities altogether. It’s something that I’ve been praying about recently, something that the Lord has really been trying to “fix” so to speak, and change in me. Because being a Christian is uncomfortable, and sometimes, you have to start up a conversation with someone and it may turn out to be awkward for the first few moments, but then..they could come to know Jesus. And how is that not worth a few minutes of awkwardness? I hear that. I get that. I know that.

Earlier that day, I had been praying about possibly finding some sort of ministry to get involved in. I’ve also been putting off a decision – guess why? Because both things involve being social, being put outside of my comfort zone, and I am afraid. And I know that God is calling me towards a life in the ministry. I know that like I know the back of my hand. I know He is calling me to be a witness, to talk to lost souls, to try to be a soul winner, and little by little, He’s reminded me…I can’t hold back God because of my fears. Because God is being held back because of me. He is. He may be trying to set up these divine appointments, He may have a person in mind for me to talk to, for me to lead towards Him…He may, by His grace, be willing to allow me to be a part of something incredible, and I am refusing to experience that, experience Him fully, because I am afraid of being embarrassed. Embarrassed of what? Of fumbling words? God can still use me, even though my conversational skills are lacking. Of my lack of knowledge? How do I expect to learn if I refuse to leave my comfort zone? You see, I’m focused on me. On my own insecurities, and I’ve forgotten that God is bigger than my issues. And if God is calling me to this life, He will take care of me, as long as I am willing to go where He calls me to go.

Hebrews 13:6 So we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?”

Perhaps I’m afraid of standing up, and having to do it alone. But am I ever alone? No. The Lord tells us that He will never leave us, or forsake us. So my fear of being alone stems from me doubting God, once again.

I fear His calling in my life, because I know I’m not capable of doing any of this alone. But I’m not alone, He is with me. And as Amy Carmichael wrote (about a young Christian woman) “It is inconceivable that our Master would leave us to stand alone when we are standing for Him.” He has assured us, time and time again, that we are not standing alone. When we stand for Jesus, He is with us. The disciples of years gone by are with us. Christians from all around the world, although they are not all here with us, sitting beside us, talking us through our doubts, helping us in our very home, they are our family, and we are never left completely alone.

This post wasn’t planned out at all, I just felt the need to share this encouragement with you all. Maybe one of you are struggling with this same thing. This fear of speaking up and having someone doubt you, make fun of you. Making yourself seem like an embarrassment. Because I struggle majorly with that, and goodness…. I can’t be the only one. But despite this issue, God is still willing to use me. He sees all of my issues, all of my faults, and He is willing to be patient with me, to show me that I am not alone, and to push me forward. He convicts, and He loves us through our mistakes as long as we are willing to realize that,

  1. We aren’t perfect, only He is.
  2. If we want Him to work, we have to allow Him to work.
  3. If we want Him to remove our imperfections, we have to be willing to get outside our comfort zones, repent, and follow Him.

Amy Carmichael also wrote,

“Strength of my heart, I need not fail,
Not mind to fear but to obey,
With such a Leader, who could quail?
Thou art as Thou wert yesterday.
Strength of my heart, I rest in Thee,
Fulfill Thy purposes through me.”
Amy Carmichael

The words, “with such a Leader, who could quail” still ring true. The word “quail” here means to suffer (so, not a bird.) and with such a Savior as He, we can not truly suffer. We can experience temporary pain, temporary discomfort, temporary awkwardness, temporary embarrassment, temporary illness, and so on. But everything we go through, we can go through it because He is always with us. Even if our suffering leads to death, we Christians have assurance that death is simply a door to a Heavenly eternity. With Him as the strength of our heart, we have nothing to fear in this life. Thinking on His power and strength makes my fears seem so small. And they are. They are tiny, tiny problems compared to my big, big God.

She also said in one book that God will fulfill the desires that HE creates. Example, if He has put a desire or burden into your heart for a certain area of ministry, He plans on using that burden in your life. As opposed to our desires, which are often flesh based and sinful. If He has given me a desire to serve Him, am I really so foolish to think that I can’t do it even though He is beside me? The only reason my problems would get in the way is if I allow them to come between Him and I and His calling.

Long story short, don’t let your fears get in the way of you serving God.

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17 thoughts on “I’ll Go.

  1. Rachel May 23, 2016 / 4:50 pm

    Hi, I just found your blog. It’s amazing! I totally get where you’re coming from with this post. It hit me hard. I’m a very shy person, but feel called to do missions. It’s really hard to go up to someone, like you said, with the fear of it being awkward and stumbling over words. But God is greater than our stumbling. Thanks for the great reminder!

    Like

    • kalinann May 23, 2016 / 6:34 pm

      Thank you, Rachel! I checked out your blog as well and will be following asap. (:

      Like

  2. Mihaela Echols May 23, 2016 / 7:31 pm

    It’s crazy how God will stretch you when you do take that bold step. As you already know he is bigger then our fears.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Terri's Thoughts May 23, 2016 / 9:17 pm

    God does stretch us far… and when we feel that we can’t stretch any further he shows us he is with us

    Like

  4. Elizabeth Brooks May 23, 2016 / 9:44 pm

    he wants us to leave our nets and follow him 🙂 thank you for the post

    Like

  5. 2015horse May 24, 2016 / 1:20 am

    I can’t thank you enough for this post! Almost in tears here. ; ) This is so how I feel. I always get caught up in worrying that it will get awkward, I might mess up my words or I don’t know enough. Thanks again!

    Like

    • kalinann May 24, 2016 / 2:00 am

      thank you so much for your sweet words! I’m so happy you liked it.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Jeffery Poor May 24, 2016 / 12:55 pm

    I really like this quote, “I fear His calling in my life, because I know I’m not capable of doing any of this alone. But I’m not alone, He is with me.” I have felt that way before in my life. While it’s difficult to get the courage sometimes I have never regretted following God’s call on my life.

    Liked by 1 person

    • kalinann May 25, 2016 / 1:25 am

      Thanks for your comment! 🙂 It reminds me of the hymn, “the longer I serve Him, the sweeter He grows.” It may be difficult at times, but serving Him is always worth it.

      Like

  7. Allison Lancaster May 24, 2016 / 3:36 pm

    Oh I needed this today. Thank you so much for sharing, this spoke right to my heart.

    Like

    • kalinann May 25, 2016 / 1:25 am

      Thank you so much for your comment!!

      Like

  8. Brianna George May 27, 2016 / 3:57 am

    He is perfect and we are made perfect in him by grace. May our minds catch up with who he has made us to be– glory to glory. 🙂

    Like

  9. Delores Liesner June 1, 2016 / 9:16 pm

    Thank you for sharing and for your vulnerability. Your post reminded me a bit of Moses kind of arguing with God (but I am not good with words…and on and on with God answering every concern and Moses finally told God he would prefer if God send someone else! I’ve had the nerve to tell God send someone else too – like Moses, I’ve been there too (though some would doubt it because of the radical stories of God’s work in my life.) Contact me – if you haven’t read Be the Miracle! I’d love to get a copy into your hands. The life challenges could help you grow in this area. Since God helped me learned to focus on others I find it easier to approach them with a question like “Can I help you?” Sounds like a clerk at the store, right – but we are in the business of delivering for God, and when you sense God leading you to someone and ask that question, their relief and light in their eyes makes me forget my unease. The worst they can say is no, and I can still pray for them. When I was first a Christian I had the belief and felt the pressure that when I shared Christ with someone if I didn’t lead them to the Lord or at least give them a full understanding, I had failed. A lot of years later, I know that I am just (happily just) a seed planter. Can God do it without me, sure. But I don’t want to miss the blessing, and once you get responses like in my stories, you are hooked. There is no high, higher, than being a delivery girl for God. I am always amazed at what he does! You are honored to be chosen by the most High to bear His name and to be sent to tell others. Your willingness to be made willing to go is a giant step farther than Moses was, and look how God used him!

    Like

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