He Watches Me

We live in a sin darkened, hard hearted, hateful, willfully ignorant world. We live in the midst of war and pain and hatred. We suffer persecution, whether or not it is emotion or physical. We receive rude comments, we are told hateful things, we are laughed at, all because of one thing…

The Gospel.

If you believe in the Gospel of Christ and you are proud to proclaim it, I guarantee that you have experienced some of the things that I listed above. If you haven’t…well, just keep on preaching, it’ll happen. And it’s easy to get discouraged. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to close down this blog and pretended I never made it. Last year and the beginning of this one was…particularly rough. The hate was worse than ever, and although it hasn’t necessarily dulled down, I’m used to it. I woke my mother up one night, crying, because I had found a huge, huge page dedicated to me, myself and I. This blog. A few people around my age had found my blog..and let me tell you, they weren’t my fans. I received threats that night, and was called so many names it would make your head spin and your heart hurt. And that night, I did something that I regret to this day. I closed down my Instagram, which was dedicated to my horse photography but I used the captions for an outreach and to promote this very blog. It had reached 14 thousand followers.

Fourteen thousand followers.

You see, I closed it down because my emotions were just destroyed. But God had given me 14 thousand people on that Instagram and looking back, I wish I had of  handled it differently. Instead of being upset over something I knew would eventually happen, I should have smiled. Yes, you heard me right. I should have been happy. I should have thanked God for this opportunity. You see, in this life, we will face trials. God said it. God guaranteed it. But these trials are not given to us by God in order for Him to laugh at us as we scramble around and try to accomplish something. No, that’s not why He allows them. He allows these trials to come in order for us to grow and lean on Him. I didn’t lean on Him that night. Instead, I ran away in tears, afraid of…what? Words? I was fighting for God on that Instagram. I had people tell me how it blessed them. And I deleted it after one bad night, claiming I couldn’t handle it anymore.

Well, God never intended for me to be able to handle it. He knew I couldn’t. But you know what? HE could have.

Although I wish I could go back and handle this differently, I didn’t, and I can’t. So, I chalk it up to a learning experience and I’ve prayed that God continues giving me these experiences so that I can learn to grow. I forgot about His power, His love for me, His grace. I forgot about how He protects me, and I forgot that, as long as I’m doing His will, not my own, He will continue doing so. I forgot that He moves in these bad times, that He could have used me so much if I stood my ground and said…you may scoff at me and call me whatever you want, but I refuse to sit down and cry when I have Him on my side.

I’m not much of a happy go lucky blogger. I don’t really write that many encouraging posts, but here’s one. And this should encourage you more than anything.

God is watching you.

Take this as a warning and an encouragement. Remember this every single day. God sees you. He watches you during every moment, He knows when you are following His will and when you are following your own. He knows when you are fighting for Him and preaching and He knows when you are stepping back, ashamed of Him, refusing to be a witness. He knows all about you. But at that same time…He’s watching you. He’s watching after you. He is protecting you. If you are attempting to follow Him completely, I mean truly trying with every bone in your body, He is protecting you. That doesn’t mean nothing will ever happen to you. Many, many of His disciples have been martyred. But what was Jim Elliot’s prayer? “I seek not a long life, but a full one, like you Lord Jesus.” What a prayer. Or Dietrich Bonhoeffer, when he said “When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die.”  These men are just two out of thousands, but what wonderful examples are they. Both put to death because of their unwavering belief in Jesus Christ, for their love for Him. The Bible itself says in John 15 verse 13, “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. and who is a better friend to us than Jesus? God may keep you safe in your country, it may be His will for you to never suffer any kind of physical persecution. The only persecution you face may be online, but it is still tough to live with. I know firsthand. We are not creatures who thrive on hate. I certainly don’t like it. And it is not natural for us to sit there and ignore it. It is hard to be happy when the world is so set on making us unhappy. But you serve God, and He is capable of helping you. He is behind you every step of the way when you are seeking Him. He is supporting you.

Don’t let yourself be discouraged. In this life we will face persecution and trials but take heart, He has overcome the world. The world. He has already won every fight we are ever going to get into. So why do we get so discouraged in the first place?

Since I began studying these older preachers I have been inspired. They have helped me realize even more than there is a whole world out there full of lost sinners, and I simply do not have the time to cry and get upset when I’m being mistreated. Neither do you. So toughen up, put your eyes on the finish line, and do not look back.

Why should I feel discouraged
Why should the shadows come
Why should my heart feel lonely
And long for heaven and home

When Jesus is my portion
A constant friend is He
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches over me.

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26 thoughts on “He Watches Me

  1. Madison April 18, 2016 / 8:10 pm

    I can’t tell you how encouraging this post was Kalin! It was completely spot on with everything that we as Christians face daily in the world! I particularly am passionate about standing strong in who we are as Christ followers no matter what others around us are saying…..being BOLD in the midst of an evil world!
    My best friend and I are actually in the middle of writing a book called The BOLD>Revolution (you can check out our mission at http://www.theboldrevolution.weebly.com) focused on living Boldly amidst a broken world that threatens to destroy us. We would LOVE to hear more about your story and even use parts or all of it in our book (completely anonymously if you want)! Thus, if you are open to the idea of partnering with us by sharing your story on Boldness or even sharing your views on what you see in the teens around you we would love to hear from you through email at theboldrevolution@gmail.com or even on our “Share Your Story” page: http://theboldrevolution.weebly.com/share-your-story.html

    Each one of your posts is always so encouraging and just what I need to hear! Thank you for being BOLD for Christ!

    -Madison

    Like

    • kalinann April 18, 2016 / 8:25 pm

      Thank you so much, Madison! 🙂 That sounds wonderful. It makes me happy knowing that other young people are seeking after the Lord and trying to impact this world. I’ll be sending you an email shortly and I’m looking forward to working with you!

      Like

  2. Victoria / Justice Pirate April 18, 2016 / 11:17 pm

    I’ve really enjoyed a load of Ravenhill quotes lately but have never read anything of his. I also love Jim Elliot (what a truly inspiring man he was).

    I can understand how it would be tough to deal with a hate page about your. I haven’t much care for people’s thoughts about me, but there was this Modesty website that I had connections with because I ran a modesty/purity website for a few years. They informed me that there were “death threats” against their page’s people and mine (me specifically), but I never was curious to see nor did I fear about it. They were posting things on some forum or something.

    I figured if people were that angry about my stances, it was not really about me because I never looked down on others on our site at all and encouraged people. If someone is that angry that they made a hate page about you standing for your faith, I actually applaud you like crazy. Pray for the persecutor to come to understand things as you do. 🙂 I am sorry they pained you so deeply. That is really not fun to deal with hurt or rejection.

    I am glad that you learned a lot from your experiences and that it has strengthened you so much!!! May you continue to do so!

    Like

    • kalinann April 19, 2016 / 3:03 am

      Thank you so much!
      I’m about to order a few of his books for an upcoming trip. I’ve read part of his book Why Revival Tarries and it’s such a thought provoking book!
      I’ve received a few threats based on random things, but before that day, I had never been attacked so personally. It was definitely a big test of character, I don’t think you know how it will effect you until it happens!

      Like

  3. 2015horse April 18, 2016 / 11:28 pm

    Beautiful!!! ❤ I love your blog. It encourages me and challenges me at the same time.

    Like

  4. Larissa April 18, 2016 / 11:50 pm

    Thanks for these words and your story. What a powerful encouragement to learn and persevere!

    Like

  5. Sonya April 19, 2016 / 3:32 am

    Thank you for your encouraging words. It is so refreshing to hear a young person speak with such maturity and wisdom. God is already using you in a mighty way and I look forward to seeing Him work in and through you in the future. I am proud to know you. Don’t you dare give up, remain steadfast and prepared for battle.

    Like

    • kalinann April 19, 2016 / 3:07 pm

      Thank you so much! I can’t even explain what that means to me.

      Like

  6. Trena Balakrishnan April 20, 2016 / 1:57 am

    Just found you on Christian bloggers (facebook group), but spot on post! The gospel does cause people to be offended. Christianity thrives in the countries that have persecution. In America, we have had it “easy”and thus, become more ‘watered down’ and ‘non-complacent’ to the fact that God is watching us…. all.the.time.

    Like

    • kalinann April 20, 2016 / 2:32 am

      Thank you so much! 🙂 Completely agree. “God can’t use us deeply if He does not first test us deeply.”

      Like

  7. Nance Biswas: Leaning on Jesus April 20, 2016 / 8:08 am

    Amen! It’s a rich reminder that God is watching over me! I am inspired by your passion to be a lighthouse online and offline. May God bless your endeavors. I found that you and I have many common interests. 😉

    Like

  8. Rebecca April 20, 2016 / 1:25 pm

    Stay grounded in the Truth as you press on and fulfill what HE has planned for you. Every step you take towards HIM makes you stronger!

    Like

  9. Mihaela Echols April 20, 2016 / 4:13 pm

    Wow probably one of the most meaningful blog posts I’ve read in a while. So many verses came to mine reading this James 1:1-4 was one of them. Outstanding post!

    Like

  10. Carrie Anderson-Woman Apologist April 21, 2016 / 8:50 pm

    I totally know that pain of regret. A few years ago, God had me start writing a blog. It had no clear direction or purpose – other than it was scripture, and it was my life.

    And somehow it became pretty darn popular.

    At then I started coming under fire, criticism. My life circumstances exploded in my face. And I stopped writing. And eventually I deleted the blog. The….whole…darn…thing.

    THAT is the one regret I have since God saved me 6 years ago.

    But here we are, you and I. Working for Jesus again. Trusting Him again. This time, I’ve promised Him I will be an excellent steward of whatever platform (talents) He entrusts to me. I will not bury it in the ground. I will invest it. For Him. So that upon His return, I can proudly say to Him,” Look Master, I have invested it for You”.

    Like

  11. Anna Clarke April 26, 2016 / 9:25 pm

    This was a beautiful post! Keep doing what you’re doing. Remember why you are blogging in the first place when things get tough. My decision to blog was very much a calling to reach people who are far from Him via the fashion industry and I cling to that when I have my doubts or when my fear is bigger than my faith. Thank you for sharing all of this – I appreciate it. Yes, He sees everything. -xx Anna

    Like

    • kalinann April 28, 2016 / 1:44 am

      Thank you for such a sweet comment, Anna! He is always bigger than our doubts, our trials, our persecutors and our fears!

      Liked by 1 person

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